he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Randomize
