FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
