remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
not ubering you a puppy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
