bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
