Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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