tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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