New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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