Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
