Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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