I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
