I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
