It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
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There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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