I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
