I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
