i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
