Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
