I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
