I would go down on you faster than GM stock
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
