they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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