I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
