she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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