We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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