I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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