Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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