he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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