I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
