I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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