I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
