Someone shit on the floor
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
