I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
