Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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