He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
