oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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