I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
