I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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