Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
