Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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