I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
