That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
