Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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