I have demons in me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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