Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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