And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
