if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
