I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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