Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
