she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
