Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
