The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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