We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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