i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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