i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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