At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
