Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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