I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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