It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
