The maid of honor just puked.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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