I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
