When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
