My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
