you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
