When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
