I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
