Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
