The maid of honor just puked.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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