Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
