This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
