You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
