its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
