never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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