I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
