i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
