Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
