I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
