I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
