i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
