Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i can't believe i had my finger in that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
