You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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