Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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