Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
