There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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